perfectly charmed
by shel
Summary: to face her future with coop, phoebe must confront her past with cole…
1. part 1

CHARMED

**"Perfectly Charmed"**

by shel

© april 2008

_disclaimer__: the charmed ones, cole, and leo, and the rest of the cast of characters we've come to know and love, belong to spelling television, inc. and possible other copyright holders. i intended no true infringement on their copyrights; i only wanted to borrow these marvelous characters for a short time in my own scenarios and hopefully return them no worse for wear; the only things i've gained from this story are the satisfaction and pleasure of having written it and in knowing that others may have enjoyed it too…_

_rating__: pg-13_

_summary__: to face her future with coop, phoebe must confront her past with cole…_

_timeline__: may 2007 (a year after the series finale, s8's '__forever charmed__')…_

_archive__: please don't without expressed permission…_

_notes__: minor references to s4's '__long live the queen__,' s8's '__generation hex__,' s2's '__heartbreak city__,' s5's '__centennial charmed__,' s7's '__seven year witch__,' s4's '__charmed and dangerous__,' and '__enter the demon__'…please let me know if you enjoyed my tale and why and, if not, why not…and, please, don't bother wasting your time or mine by sending any flames…_

* * *

_**Part One**_

"Mmmmmm…" I smiled into the pillow as his fingers lightly tickled my bare back. "Is that coffee I smell?"

"Smell being the operative word. You've gone caffeine-free, remember?"

I tugged the sheet over my head. "Then you're completely mean, taunting me with that smell."

I felt his lips through the sheet and nudged them away with a shrug of my shoulder. "Go away."

But even as I spoke, the blanket was pulled away and I glared at him. "I never should've married you."

He simply smiled at me in that special way that made my legs turn to jelly. Good thing I was already lying down. "I mean it," I warned in a hopefully cross tone. "You're supposed to _love_ me, not be so mean."

"I _do_ love you," he chuckled, "which is why I made coffee _and_ have danishes ready. Unless you'd rather your boss regret doing you the favor of dropping by with that stack of mail you forgot yesterday."

"Blame Junior," I sniffed as I flounced on the bed, turning over, "and this stupid morning sickness."

I nearly jumped when his fingers crept their way around my barely noticeable baby bump. And I sighed at my inability to remain mad at him. I _do_ love that husband of mine and I _was_ the one who had overslept completely forgetting that, in return for letting me work from home today, Elise was going to stop by first thing with a huge stack of letters I'd sworn to her I'd have reviewed by this afternoon.

I twined my fingers with his and sighed again. "I don't suppose she'll allow me to make a habit of this."

He kissed my ear before murmuring, "I've offered you a solution."

Teasing or not, he still hadn't figured out when to back off. I pushed him and the cover back and reached for my robe. "And I told you, I'm not quitting this job just to raise a baby!"

He had the nerve to give me that what'd-I-say-innocent look and I stalked across the room but before I could slam the bathroom door behind me, I was swept up into his arms. I squeezed my eyes shut at the immediate rise of bile in my throat.

I guess the color had drained from my face because he immediately apologized as he quickly carried me back into the bedroom. "Oh, Phoebe, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."

I couldn't answer him, just tried concentrating on breathing in and out. He settled me on the bed but I wasn't ready to open my eyes or speak.

"Are you going to be sick? Should I take you back to the bathroom?" he asked anxiously.

I blindly reached for, and clutched, his hand as I rode out the wave of nausea.

He brushed my hair to the side, tucking some strands behind my ear, and he kissed my forehead. "I shouldn't have teased. I'm sorry."

"'Sokay…" Afraid to say any more, I simply squeezed his hand again.

Eventually, I curled onto my side, my back to him, and whimpered, "It's been like this since I vanquished that demon, on and off all day. God, how do women stand it?"

"Let's not get into that again, shall we?"

I sighed in agreement, hearing the annoyance hidden beneath the polite request. Though he _had_ let the matter drop two days ago, I knew he was still angry by what I'd done. Not all the demons had accepted the way things were now and I'd vanquished not just the one who'd been stupid enough to attack me at work but two more later that afternoon. "I'm trying to adjust," I sincerely told him, hoping I didn't throw up right where I lay, "but it's going to take some time. Things are different for me now."

The bed shifted as he leaned over and kissed me. "I know. And I can be patient."

Then his hands started gently massaging my back and I couldn't help but groan gratefully. "I love your hands…"

"And I love you loving them," he whispered in my ear, his tongue flicking its lobe.

But a wave of nausea kept me from responding the way I'd have preferred. Instead, I squeezed my eyes shut even more tightly. And then I worried he might have gotten the wrong idea given my constant complaints about my condition. "I love this baby I'm carrying. You know that, right?"

"I do," he confirmed with a light kiss to my temple.

He didn't say anything else and I was content to let him work his magic. I'm not sure how much time had passed before I drowsily mumbled, "I love you, Cole."

The massaging stopped and his hands rested on my back. "You've got the best hands," I sighed. "Thanks, honey."

But he didn't say a word and his hands didn't even twitch. He wasn't truly frozen because I could hear him breathing, if not a bit heavier than usual, but something was clearly wrong. "What is it?" I wondered, unable to open my eyes for the dizziness I still felt.

The mattress expanded slightly and I realized he'd stood. I slowly turned over in confusion. "Coop? Is something wrong?"

"Nothing. It's okay."

But it wasn't. Even if we weren't connected by our special bond I would know. "I can feel it, Coop. You're upset."

"I've no right to be," he shook his head. "I'm a Cupid."

"That doesn't mean you're not allowed to be upset." I reached for his hand to tug him closer but he was resisting so I slowly sat up. When the room didn't spin, I tested my legs and stood up.

He was quick to move to support me just in case I keeled over but I managed to stay upright without incident. "You should rest," he told me. "It's good you're working from home today."

"I'm not doing any work until we talk," I insisted. "What happened, Coop? One minute I'm waking up to a magical massage and the next I'm feeling all sorts of sad regretful feelings from the one who's providing it. Please," I sat down again and patted the mattress, "talk to me."

The longer it took him to react, the more anxious I felt. And the fact that he seemed unable to look me in the eye wasn't helping. "Coop? Are you mad at me?"

"No, sweetheart."

At least he hadn't hesitated that time. "Then what?"

"You called me Cole," he calmly announced while he slowly met my gaze.

I laughed, "Now I really _am_ worried about you. Do Cupids ever lose their hearing?" But he didn't smile and I stared at him in shock. "You're serious. You think I called you Cole?"

He shook his head, "I _know_ you did."

"You're wrong," I snapped. "I would _never_ do that."

"Not on purpose," he agreed before kissing the top of my head. "I'll see you later."

"Coop!" But all that remained before me was the afterimage of a glowing red heart.

The phone rang, startling me, and I answered it, my mind distracted by what had happened. I'd been sound asleep, Coop began massaging me, and we avoided a new argument over my demon-vanquishing from the other day and…

"Hey, Pheebs, how're you feeling this morning?"

"Oh, God," I uttered as a long-buried memory of a different early morning massage suddenly flashed before my eyes, "I did."

"Did what? Are you okay?"

Why did I have all the luck to be put in the nearly the exact same situation with two different men? I pinched the bridge of my nose wishing I was still asleep, that it was some dream and it wasn't true. But it was. "I called him Cole."

"Called who Cole? Phoebe, what's going on?"

"I called him Cole," I whispered. How could I have done that to him? No wonder he was so upset. "God, what have I done?"

"Paige and Henry are here for breakfast. We can orb there in seconds."

The doorbell rang at the same time Piper spoke. "I've gotta get the door."

"Call me," Piper demanded.

"Later," I promised half-heartedly. I needed to fix things with Coop first. The doorbell rang again and I prayed the day wouldn't get any worse.

* * *


	2. part 2

_**Part Two**_

"I'm sorry."

I looked up from the pasta primavera I had no appetite for and set down my fork. "_I'm_ the one who should apologize."

"I should never have left the way I did," Coop argued as he bent to kiss my cheek.

I threw my arms around his neck so I could kiss him properly, relieved when he didn't pull away from my embrace.

I released him, gazing at him, unsure where to begin.

He smiled and pulled a chair out to face me, reaching for the few strands of hair that had slipped free from my messy bun. He lightly touched my hairline, my cheek, my chin, and I was content by the silence between us.

"How are you feeling?" he eventually wondered.

"Where'd you go?" I asked at the same time. "Okay," I immediately answered him, lightly rubbing his forearm that rested on the table's edge. When his eyebrow arched and he took stock of my full dinner bowl, I conceded, "I threw up breakfast and lunch. But," I nodded to my bowl, "third time's the charm, right?"

He leaned forward, kissing my forehead, before he stood, "I'll make some toast and tea. Would you prefer --"

I managed to grab hold of his shirt, "Coop, please…" He reluctantly sat and I reached for his hand, "Can't you tell me where you were or…oh, I see…"

He brought my hand to his lips before answering, "Don't worry, Phoebe, it was Cupid's business." He must've sensed my wariness because he continued, "A couple of federal agents in Atlanta needed another push in the right direction." He sighed, "After all these years, they're still afraid to give in to the sparks between them."

As curious as I was to know more, at the moment I was only concerned about _one_ couple in love. But it all came out in a jumbled mess, "Do you -- Can we -- Would it be okay if -- How about -- "

"I know you love me, Phoebe," he interrupted with a chuckle. "And I'm _not_ going anywhere," he added more seriously.

I let out a breath I hadn't been aware I'd been holding. "I _do_ love you, more than I ever thought possible."

"I know," he smiled warmly as he stood. "But I think that right now I'm not the one who needs to know."

"I don't understand," I whispered, afraid to hear his explanation.

Gently lifting me from my seat at the table, he carried me over to the sofa. When he sat next to me, he immediately pulled me into his lap where I happily snuggled closer.

"I love you, Phoebe." He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. "But I'm not the only one."

"The only one who counts," I promised, kissing his neck.

"Perhaps," he murmured.

"Not perhaps," I pulled away, "_definitely_." I wasn't sure what to make of the expression he wore. "You don't believe me. Deep down, you doubt what I feel for you."

He quickly grabbed my two hands and brought both to his lips. "I _feel_ your love for me," he fiercely assured me. "I _know_ how deep and true it runs," he added before kissing my lips.

But I didn't want him placating me and I scrambled off his lap. "Then what is it? I'm so sorry about this morning, Coop. It wasn't until after you left that I realized I'd been dreaming the whole time. Not of the future," I quickly clarified as I stepped back from my husband who also stood, "but of the past, my past with Cole. It was after the coronation and I was settling into my new life as Queen and I was having mood swings and morning sickness and I'd vanquished a number of his demon colleagues and I --"

"Hush…"

I did but more because of the two fingers he pressed to my lips than because I felt I'd made my point. I couldn't help but nip at them, relieved when he smiled in return.

Framing my face between his hands, he leaned closer, our foreheads practically touching. "I love you, Phoebe, and I know you love me. But I also know and accept the piece of your heart that Cole still holds." He must've seen something in my face because he immediately cut off any protest by saying, "He does and you know it. Deep down, you know it. And while I appreciate your trying to spare my feelings, I don't want you worrying about it. I'm a Cupid. I'm rather tolerant when it comes to love," he smiled.

I tried to smile in return but all I felt was my lower lip quivering.

He gently pressed his hands together as if willing the words to enter my brain. "Don't deny your feelings for him, Phoebe, not any more and certainly not for me."

But I could only stand there shaking my head as tears began to sting my eyes.

"Don't cry," he whispered, lightly brushing away my tears with his thumbs. "It's okay to love him and I'm sorry I haven't assured you of that earlier."

"But --"

"No buts. I was caught off-guard this morning but I shouldn't have left without making sure you understood."

After he wrapped his arms around me, I nuzzled his chest and admitted, "I'm not sure I do. You still seem so upset."

"With myself, love," he sighed, "never with you."

"You didn't do anything wrong," I insisted, rubbing his back. "_I_ did."

He pulled back slightly and tilted my chin up, gripping it so I couldn't look away. "No. You didn't. It was only a dream." He loosened his grip on my chin but kept me in his arms. "But I let it go too long," he rued. "After our trip through your romantic past, I never pushed you to deal with your feelings for Cole because you seemed to have turned the corner when it came to love."

"You helped break that block around my heart," I quietly acknowledged. "The one I never realized I'd had."

"Of all your loves, Cole was the only one I should have pressed further about because, unlike all the others, you never had closure with him. And now this pregnancy is bringing up your pas--"

I broke free of his light grip and spun from him. "This pregnancy is nothing like that one! I can't believe you would even think I would compare the two!"

"I don't," he stated as his hands settled on my shoulders. "But they _are_ bringing up memories you'd once buried. No matter how much you love me, your subconscious hasn't forgotten Cole or the life you shared with him, the future you'd planned with him."

"Keyword: _sub_conscious," I declared as I slowly turned around. "Cole is in my past along with whatever dreams I'd had for us."

"But that doesn't mean the love has to end," he argued. "I'm a Cupid, sweetheart, and more than anyone I know that some people will spend a lifetime with more than one love. There's no shame in --"

"I'm not ashamed of loving him!"

"Good," he grinned, "I'm glad you're not that far in denial. Besides, I'd hate to think the Cupids had lost their touch."

"I'm very well versed in how Cupids don't mix demons and love," I indignantly reminded him. "Cupids had nothing to do with me and Cole falling in love."

"He was only _half_-demon," my husband shrugged, still grinning.

"Don't be cute," I warned. "You know damn well what I mean. Cole and I were on our own the whole time."

"And yet he became the love of your life."

If I didn't love Coop so much, I'd have wanted nothing more than to knock that stupid grin off his face.

Something must have registered with him because his grin did fade into a stern frown. "Phoebe…"

"Fine," I threw my hands up in the air, "fine, I love Cole. He was the love of my life. Are you happy now?"

"Immensely," he chuckled.

I glared at him, wishing he didn't seem so smug. But I didn't resist when he pulled me back into his arms. "I love you, Coop. _You're_ my destiny. Remember that."

* * *


	3. part 3

_**Part Three**_

"And then he had to leave. I think that pair in Atlanta again, something about re-enacting dinner with goat and couscous but without alcohol…doesn't matter," I sighed as I leaned back in my seat, "as long as _we're_ okay."

"I'm glad things worked out yesterday," Paige said. But I could feel her concern coming through her words.

"They did," I grinned, recalling how I'd greeted Coop when he came home, "most definitely. So _don't_ _worry_." I glanced at Piper who also sat opposite me in her kitchen, "Both of you. I'm completely in love with my husband and we have this perfect future ahead of us and --"

"There's no such thing as a perfect future," Piper cautioned.

I picked up my plate and carried it to the sink, giving one last lick to the chocolate icing stuck to my fork. "You know what I mean...Things are so good for me and Coop. We've got this unbelievable bond," I rubbed my tiny bump, "a ladybug on the way…" I couldn't help but smile, "It's just perfect…"

"Phoebe…"

"What about this business over Cole?" Paige intervened before Piper started in again with worrying over how we shouldn't ever forget that demons are still out there waiting for the opportunity to test the Charmed Ones once more.

"I told you, Paige," I sighed, "he completely understood about my dream and --"

"You called him _Cole_," she interrupted. "Don't you think that means _something_?"

"No, I honestly don't. It was a dream, Paige, a memory of something that happened years ago, triggered by my heavy workload and constant morning sickness."

"But don't you think you should give his suggestion a try?" my ever-skeptic younger sister persisted.

"What suggestion? You don't think he was serious about me talking to Cole?"

She pointed a forkful of chocolate cake at me, "_I'm_ the one who was there at the end so maybe Coop has a point about you needing to find closure with Cole."

I was feeling too good about not having been sick to my stomach the entire day so I didn't snap as I reminded her, "Cole was vanquished in a reality that doesn't exist. You and Coop can't change the fact that there _is_ _no_ Cole to talk to."

Paige invited our older sister to speak with an impatient wave of her hand, "Well?"

I narrowed my gaze on Piper, "You _have_ been rather quiet the whole time I've been here. You okay?"

"What if there _was_ a way?" Piper asked instead, pushing aside her barely touched slice of cake.

"Of course," Paige snapped her fingers. "You could light a candle, say a blessing in his name, maybe at the mausoleum. That was your place, wasn't it? You could talk to him there in order to find that closure you need."

"I suppose I could," I shrugged. "Maybe it _would_ be good for me. I'll think about it. Okay?" I bent to kiss Piper on the cheek, "Thanks for the snack, sweetie, but I'd better get home and start dinner for Coop. And you," I went over to Paige, "thanks for the suggestion and for understanding my current no-orbing-except-in-case-of-extreme-emergency policy."

"Strictly saving myself some dry cleaning bills," she teased as I kissed her cheek.

"Love you…Bye boys!" I shouted as I headed out the back door.

"You _can_ talk to Cole."

Piper hadn't spoken loudly but I'd still heard her and turned around.

"Of course she can talk to Cole," Paige shrugged, "that's what we were just talking about."

"No," Piper shook her head, not lifting her eyes from her plate, "I mean she can _really_ talk to him."

I slowly made my way back inside. "His soul doesn't exist in this reality, Piper. I _can't_ call for him. It's impossible."

Her emotions were a jumbled mess but I sank down into the chair next to her when I realized she was utterly serious…and truthful. "Tell me, Piper."

"He's not gone," she announced, finally looking at me.

I glanced to Paige, who shrugged in confusion, before focusing again on Piper. "Of course he's gone," I confirmed in a voice that unexpectedly lacked conviction. My mind was racing almost as fast as her emotions. "Paige was there, Piper. She was there in that other reality when the Charmed Ones vanquished him for good. He's gone. Cole _is_ gone."

"No," she whispered, "he's not."

I knew I'd never make it to the bathroom in time so I raced for the garbage, heaving every last crumb of chocolate cake into the can.

Both sisters had run to my side and were talking as they supported me but all I heard was Piper's statement that Cole wasn't gone. Over and over as I continued to retch, I heard those three little words, "_No he's not_."

Spent, I leaned into my older sister while my younger one handed me a damp towel to wipe my mouth. I let Piper lead me back to the table but quickly turned down Paige's remaining cup of tea. "Just tell me," my voice croaked.

Piper swept some hair off my face and kept holding my hand with her other one. "He's in limbo, sweetie."

"Limbo?" I gasped.

"Limbo as in where you went when the Elders decided to test Leo's love for you?" Paige questioned. "_That_ limbo?"

"I don't understand," I admitted. I had to be missing something. "What does Cole have to do with limbo?"

Piper now took both of my hands in hers and lightly squeezed them. "He was there. He was in limbo with me."

I shook my head, "It doesn't make any sense. Why? How?"

"I was a bit too angry to pay much attention to his explanation," she admitted, "but it's true. He's in limbo and he's there for eternity."

The room spun and I felt her grab my shoulders. "Phoebe!"

I sagged back in my seat, closing my eyes, "He's alive?"

"No," Piper corrected me, "he's not. He's just --"

"The old friend," Paige interrupted and I quickly looked at her. "_He's_ the old friend who helped you."

Piper nodded, "I didn't think I should tell you. Leo wanted me to but I wasn't sure how you'd react, either of you, so I didn't. I'm sorry, Phoebe."

"We owe him a lot," Paige acknowledged. "He helped save you and Leo."

"And me," I realized in a whisper. Because of Leo sacrificing everything for Piper while she was in limbo, because of Drake, I had started believing again in the power of love. And Cole had been there. Oh God. "I didn't imagine it."

"Imagine what?" Paige asked.

"There was a moment, only a moment, when I thought I sensed something familiar. It felt like Cole but I knew it couldn't be him so I chalked it up to a fleeting bit of imagination. But it _was_ him, Piper. That's what you're saying, right?"

She nodded, "Between the look on your face and the look on his…every time I've ever wondered if I should've told you, _that's_ the image that's haunted me."

I covered my face with my hands and hunched forward, "Oh my God. Cole."

I felt Piper's arms around me. "I'm so sorry, Pheebs. I didn't want to hurt you and he never told me whether or not I _should_ tell you."

"What did you mean about him being there for eternity?" I heard Paige ask.

Piper rubbed my back and rocked me, "It's his penance."

I abruptly pulled away, "For eternity?!"

"Despite the good, he was evil for a lot longer," Paige softly reminded me, "more than a century of evil."

"And he's paid for those sins," I snapped. But I quickly added, "And even if not, he doesn't deserve to be there alone for _eternity_!"

"Calm down, Pheebs. It's not good for you to get too worked up. Between the three of us, I'm sure we can figure out a way for you to talk to him," Paige offered.

"Without killing you," Piper somberly added.

* * *


	4. part 4

_**Part Four**_

I knew he was there. I could _feel_ him. But I couldn't make myself turn around to see him. "Are you here because the spell worked or because you happened to be watching?"

"Does it matter?"

I wasn't sure I could handle talking to him. It had been so long, so many thoughts and emotions buried for so long. Where would I even begin? I rubbed my arms, shivering not from cold but from how scared I was at being there. My heart was pounding and the nausea I felt couldn't be blamed on the baby. All I wanted was to be orbed home but I remained frozen in my spot, staring past the ring of candles at the dark stain on the mausoleum's floor that I couldn't actually see from where I was standing.

"Phoebe?"

I couldn't stop the tears and my knees buckled. And suddenly I was wrapped in his arms. For the first time in years, I felt his arms around me and that only made me cry harder.

He didn't say a word as we knelt there; him holding me, smoothing my hair, and rubbing my back.

While all I could sob was, "I'm so sorry…"

At some point I heard him softly say, "I know, Phoebe, I know."

"How," I sniffled, allowing myself to remain in his embrace, "do you know? How is this possible? Why can't you leave?"

"Because I know you," he kissed the top of my head, "because the Fates _can_ be kind, and because I don't want to."

I wasn't sure I heard right and pushed back to call him on it but all words flew from my head and I suddenly found myself grabbing his collar, pulling him close, and kissing him hard.

Lack of oxygen was probably the only reason I pulled away when I did. But I still held my arms loosely around his waist. I realized I didn't care how the spell actually worked. All that mattered was that Cole was there.

He gently pried himself free and made sure I sat there before he stood and turned away from me. "This was a mistake."

"I know," I agreed, touching my lips. How could I have done this to Coop? How could I have kissed Cole like that, like Coop didn't even exist, like the child I'm carrying doesn't exist?

Cole turned around, "I shouldn't have come."

"I shouldn't have called," I said at the same time, wandering over to the stairs. It was only going to hurt Coop, probably hurt Cole, and _I'd_ certainly be caught in the middle. Wearily I sat on one of the steps and looked at Cole.

He moved closer, standing before me. "But since I'm already here…"

"Coop thought I needed to talk to you," I confessed. "You, uh, know about us, right?" I lowered my eyes to my lap. It was too hard holding his gaze. I remember how his emotions would affect the color of his eyes, from bright and clear to dark and smoldering and I couldn't let myself get lost in his eyes, not now.

"You found love again," he smiled as he tilted my chin up. "That's what I wanted for you."

"I wasn't sure it was possible. It took so long," I whispered, my eyes traveling down to the safety of his chest.

"I'm sorry I hurt you that badly, that I made you lose your self-confidence."

I reached for his hand. Too long since I last held it, I couldn't keep from touching it, lightly running my fingers across his palm, his knuckles, it was so amazing. I spoke in a distracted way, "I don't think I felt like I'd lost it because I _did_ fall in love after you. I probably would've married Jason if things had turned out differently and later there was Drake who, well we didn't have nearly enough time but…"

I shook my head free from sad thoughts of how it ended with that charming Mercury Demon. "Until Coop came along and showed me, I hadn't even realized I was still holding back. Even with Jason and Drake, I'd actually been building a wall to protect my heart for when they'd inevitably be gone."

I shrugged, released his hand, and wrapped my arms around my knees, concentrating on the flickering glow of the candles I'd lit for the ritual. "Deep down I believed that that that's how love worked for me, never lasting, always aching. But Coop helped me. He helped me understand falling in love and staying in love and how to hold onto love."

"Are you sorry?"

He didn't specify but I knew he was talking about us. I stood on the step nearly eye-level with him and deliberately met his gaze. "I will never be sorry I fell in love with you, Cole. I was only sorry about how it ended, how badly hurt we both were."

"My fault," he apologized. This time, _he_ was the one who looked away. He moved closer to the ring of candles.

Though I stepped down to ground level, I stayed near the stairs as I assured him, "Not completely. I was so scared after the whole Source thing. I couldn't see how we could be together without evil getting in the way and I wasn't open to any suggestions, must less ones coming from you. I loved you but I needed to be apart from you."

"Which I wouldn't accept," he sighed. "I regret so much of what I did after I left the Wasteland."

"If only I'd explained my feelings better," I said. "If only I'd been more patient, more understanding. If only I'd --"

"No," he spun around, "this is pointless. What's done is done, Phoebe. We can't change the past and it's too draining to think of the if-only's. Believe me, I know."

"If only I'd known you were here."

He shook his head, "To what end? I might no longer be insane but how is _this _helping?"

"Coop thinks I need to find closure with you."

"And you? What do _you_ think?"

My eyes started stinging again and my voice cracked, "I think it's so very good to see you again."

I was gathered in his arms before my first tears fell. "I miss you too," he quietly said.

"I'm pregnant," I whispered.

"I know."

"It's brought back so many memories," I admitted.

"Good ones, I hope."

I nodded into his chest. "Just the other morning I dreamt about waking up to one of your massages. It turns out Coop was giving me one and I guess I wasn't awake enough and my subconscious was reliving that morning after I'd gone on a demon-vanquishing spree and you were trying to get back in my good graces for being away so much."

Obviously it wasn't easy for Cole either to recall his time as Source when he stiffened at my words. "It was --"

"Hormones," I interrupted, hoping to spare him some painful recollections. This wasn't the time to rehash how it all went wrong. "At least, that's what you attributed it to."

"Better that than the Queen of Evil betraying her own subjects," he quietly commented. "You made a formidable queen…_my_ queen."

I nuzzled him and sighed, "There were moments when…" I let my thoughts trail away knowing he understood.

He nodded and kissed the top of my head, "Moments when we were together, good or evil, when it was perfect."

"Perfect," I agreed before glancing up and caressing his cheek. "I wanted that baby, _our_ baby."

He returned the action with a sad smile, "But it wasn't _our_ baby, was it?"

Again I felt his pain and regret so I squeezed my arms tighter around his waist. "I'm sorry you were ever put in that position. If you hadn't saved us from the Source and the Hollow --"

"The Source wouldn't have filled the void within me," he completed for me. "But what good would have come from letting you and your sisters die? Don't you see, Phoebe? I had no choice."

"If you knew what would happen, would you still…"

He didn't even hesitate, "To save you? Absolutely."

I hugged him tight as my eyes started tearing again. "I'm sorry, Cole. I'm so sorry you were caught in the middle."

"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough," he whispered. "And I'm sorry you paid the price."

"We _all_ paid the price," I corrected. "And you still are…"

I'm not sure how long we stood there holding each other, but eventually Cole released his arms and set me back a step. "At least it's all worked out. Everything for a reason, isn't that what your Grams taught you?"

I frowned, "So I should be grateful for the hell we went through?"

"If you hadn't, you might not have needed Coop in your life," he reasoned. "And you might not have met your destiny."

"There was a time," I pointedly told him, "I thought my destiny was _you_."

He smiled, barely touching my cheek with his palm. "Thank you."

He stepped over the candles into the center of the ring and my sadness grew as he turned transparent. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged, "If you recall, I hadn't been thinking too clearly at the end. Once I knew where I ended up, I needed time to adjust and so did you."

I nodded because he was right. At that time, I'd been filled with so much anger and bitterness that, had I known he'd been in limbo, I'm not sure I'd have been too sympathetic. "But later?"

"Later, you were moving on." He smiled sadly, "You were trying so hard and I thought if you only found love again, you would be okay."

I nearly slapped my forehead as I suddenly realized Cole was more than Piper's old friend, he was also Drake's little birdie. "You knew it couldn't end well if Drake was set on dying to fulfill his contract so how could you send him to me?"

He looked properly chastised as he explained, "Drake seemed a good match and I figured if you had even half the effect on him that you had on me, you would convince him to fight for his life. I _am_ sorry you were hurt by his death."

He was so sincere; I couldn't help but shake my head and smile, "I love you."

"I know."

"Don't be quoting favorite movie lines to me," I warned with mock annoyance.

He grinned but quickly turned serious. "I'm at peace, Phoebe. That's the _real_ reason."

"You're not torn between good and evil anymore. But aren't you lonely?" I wondered. His silence was my answer and my tears fell. "Oh, Cole…"

"Don't be sad for me," he requested. "I'm at peace and that's more than I could ever hope for. Besides, between the lost souls and keeping an eye on you, my existence is not utterly boring."

I rolled my eyes and sniffled before casually asking, "And just how often are you keeping an eye on me, anyway?"

"Often enough to know the highlights but not enough to be considered a stalker," he chuckled. "I love you, Phoebe. Be happy."

I reached my hand out to his as he faded and his last words echoed in the mausoleum. "I love you too," I whispered back.

* * *


	5. epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

"Coop?" I couldn't keep my old wrinkly hand raised for long but my husband caught it before it fell back to the bed.

"I'm here, love," he replied with a smile. He'd aged his appearance to match mine as I grew older through the years and my heart still skipped a beat gazing into his eyes. "I'm here," he repeated, kissing the back of my hand.

"I'm not ready to die," I whispered. "I'm not ready to leave you."

"But your body is, love," he told me, sweeping my hair out of my eyes. "We've had our time; it's the natural order."

"What about you, my love? You'll be alone." It was so tiring to speak, it took so much energy.

He leaned forward and I closed my eyes as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. He brought my hand over his heart, "How can I be alone when you will _always_ be _here_?"

"Not what I mean," I sighed.

"I know," he nodded. "But remember when I proposed? Remember how we talked about the possibility of your being killed and I would be left behind? Together we decided that our love was worth the risk of that pain. And hasn't it been worth it? Sixty-eight years later with three beautiful daughters, ten grandchildren, and --"

"Two great-grandkids," I interjected, slightly out of breath. To think one of those munchkins was named after me.

"That's right, love," he smiled. "We've had such a long life together, longer than even Piper and Leo."

"We've been incredibly blessed," I acknowledged weakly.

"That's right," he softly agreed. "So no tears, love. _You_ know that death isn't the end. I _will_ see you again."

As always, he knew just what to say. But as the room turned colder and my eyesight faded, I tried to squeeze his hand. "Hold me?"

He carefully settled on the bed behind me. Wrapping his arm around me, he spooned closer, whispering in my ear, "I'm here, Phoebe. I'm holding you."

I closed my eyes with a sigh, drawing his hand tighter around me. I was so tired.

"Sleep, love," he murmured.

There was so much I still wanted to say but I barely had the energy to tell him, "I love you forever, Coop."

"And I you, my love."

I felt strange. A sudden weightless feeling came over me. I didn't feel my husband holding me and I opened my eyes in fear. Everything was in such sharp focus, the colors so vivid. "Coop?"

"I'm here." I heard him say from behind me. I slowly rolled over to find him standing by the bed looking exactly as handsome as the day we married.

He held his hand out to me, "Come, Phoebe."

Surprised by the ease in which I moved, I suddenly understood. I looked back at our bed to find my body peacefully resting there. I sighed and gazed back at him, wishing I was solid and could caress his cheek. Instead, I held my hand up next to it and he smiled at my intent. "I'm not sure how you convinced the Angel of Death to let you take over but I'm so glad you were with me, Coop. Thank you."

"The Charmed Ones still hold a special place of honor," he smiled, "and just as Leo was there for Piper and Paige there for Henry, it was never in doubt that I would be here for you."

"So what now?" I shrugged.

He pointed to our bedroom door which was suddenly glowing in a bright light. "As cliché as it sounds, love," he chuckled, "all you need to do is walk into the light."

I hesitated. "I'm not ready to leave you." I gazed at him, "I'll be with my sisters and parents and you'll be --"

"Keeping an eye on our family along with Paige and Leo," he smiled. "I will always love you, Phoebe. No matter where you are, believe that to be true."

"I do," I nodded. "I just…what we had was perfect."

"Not always," he reminded me before conceding with a smile, "but it was close enough." Pointing to the door, he encouraged, "Now go, love, and accept your destiny."

"_You're_ my destiny," I firmly told him. But I sighed knowing I couldn't keep prolonging the inevitable. I took a step closer to the doorway before turning back to my husband. "I love you. Always and forever."

He smiled and I memorized the sparkle in his eyes. "I love you too. Be happy, Phoebe."

He was gone before I could even panic at the ironic familiarity of his farewell. I watched the glowing afterimage of a red heart fade away before I turned back to the doorway and stepped through it.

I wasn't sure what heaven was supposed to be like but I didn't expect it to be the solarium of the manor. "I don't get it," I uttered in confusion.

"Neither do I."

I spun to come face-to-face with Cole. "I'm in limbo?"

"Apparently," he frowned.

"I don't get it," I repeated, growing annoyed with his annoyance. "I wasn't lost. How could I end up here? Did you --"

"I had nothing to do with this," Cole emphatically stated.

"He sent me off to accept my destiny," I glared at him. "I thought he meant Piper and Prue and Mom and Grams and --"

"Who knew Cupids had such a warped sense of humor?"

"This isn't funny!"

"Isn't it?" Cole smirked. "He sent you here to torture me. I'm here for eternity, you know."

"Not funny," I snapped before it suddenly clicked into place. "Oh my God." I met Cole's gaze. "You. _You're_ my destiny."

"Don't be ridiculous," he waved away my words and turned from me. "Your destiny was Coop. You love _him_."

"I do and I always will," I agreed, "but even he understood that you were the love of my life."

"Please," he grumbled, "you spent nearly seventy years bonded to that Cupid. Don't --"

"There was always a part of my heart still tied to _you_," I insisted. "I could think about any of the others with a loving fondness but you, Cole, _you_ were the only one who could still occupy my thoughts in those quiet moments when I was alone. You were the only one I still _missed_."

It was strange being unable to sense his emotions without my power but, being truthful to myself, I knew Cole well enough to read him even without it. He was torn. He wanted nothing more than to happily accept what I was telling him while at the same time he wanted to deny it all in order to protect himself in case it wasn't true.

"I'm not lying," I promised. "I've had my time with Coop, my family with him…I've been so blessed to have loved and been loved by him. And even though you and I were together for only such a short amount of time, I was equally blessed to have loved and been loved by _you_, Cole."

"But Coop's your destiny," Cole whispered with a shake of his head.

And suddenly it all made sense. Just as I didn't have to deny my love for Cole from Coop, I also didn't have to deny my love and life with Coop from Cole. My love had come full circle. "And _you're_ my eternity," I declared with a smile.

He stared thoughtfully at me for a moment before he finally smiled. "You can change your appearance you know. Just in case you don't want to spend eternity looking as the beautiful one hundred year old woman you are."

"Barely one hundred," I muttered glancing down at myself. "And you're still a century older than me so don't knock my age."

"I wasn't," he assured me with a chuckle. "I only meant that without physical form, you aren't restricted by your spiritual form. You can appear in whatever image you want." He indicated to our surroundings, "This too. This could be the South of France or a beach in Hawaii. It's all in how you choose it to be."

"Then I _choose_ to be like this," I commented as I closed my eyes, imagining myself to be just as I was when I was married to him all those years ago.

"I don't believe formal wedding attire is required in limbo," he commented with amusement. "And I think I liked you better with the longer hair," he impishly added.

I glared at him but softened my expression as I recalled the one time I'd called him from limbo. It was the last time I'd been able to wear that sleeveless eyelet dress before I began showing and, while he hadn't commented at the time, I knew he appreciated how I looked in it. Running my fingers through my dark locks, I made sure, "Like this?"

"Perfect," he smiled.

I gasped when he suddenly stroked hair, twisting a strand around his fingers. "How can you -- can I…" I didn't wait for his response before I reached up to stroke his beard stubble. "I always did love you scruffy."

He didn't break his gaze from mine. "You're perfect," he quietly told me.

"Far from it," I countered as I let him wrap his arms around me. "Charmed perhaps but not perfect."

"Perfectly charmed," he murmured, kissing the top of my head.

"For eternity," I grinned and nuzzled his chest.

"For eternity," he promised as we faded away and met our destiny together.

_**the end**_


End file.
